Thursday, June 11, 2009


A lot of people have asked me if we will ever adopt again and I think it only fair to tell all of you.

We have been working with the agency for a while now. We will NEVER forget Talon, nor will any baby ever replace him, but we have a gaping hole in our hearts...all of us. We hope that another baby might at least make that hole a bit smaller.

The last two weeks the agency has told us about two situations. Neither worked out, but it is such an emotional roller coaster. We are not sure how to feel about things. It is really frustrating that we don't have a baby yet, but I think the most frustrating thing is having our hands bound so tightly. We are at the mercy of other people. These people say they are looking out for us, and have our best interest in mind, but it is so hard to know if they are being truthful.

I guess I'm just frustrated having no control over my life. Most people can plan out their families, when they are going to have more, if they are going to have more. It is SO frustrating not knowing if we will EVER have more.

Sorry to blab on...but it feels good to get some things off my chest.

We DO realize how blessed we are to have our sweet Kade. I thank God every day for the happiness he brings to us. He is the sweetest boy, and is always trying to make me happy. If I do anything right in this world it will be raising him to be a respectful, intelligent, man.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Talon's Birthday

Today has been an interesting day full of emotion. My little brother got married today, so in that aspect it was a wonderful happy day. However, my thoughts had a hard time staying with the happy couple. As different things happened, it reminded me of my sweet Talon. Today is his first birthday.

I have cried several times today, and have missed him so much. Clint has been wonderful, being so supportive. I know he misses him too, but he buries his feelings. He feels he has to be the strong one.

There are so many times, when I think of Talon, I wonder what Natasha feels. I wonder what she thinks when she looks at the cross stitch I made her. I have no doubt it hangs on her wall. I wonder if we even cross her mind when she wears the pj's or robe, or slippers we bought her, or the shirt she borrowed and so conveniently "forgot" to give back. I wonder if she has any conscience at all. Did she ever intend on placing him? Was she using us the whole time? Will she do it again to another unsuspecting family and crush their lives as she has ours?

I wish there were something I could do to make sure no one ever had to go through this again.

Sorry that this post is depressing, but I'm not feeling very happy today.

I hope all is well with all of you.