Thursday, June 11, 2009


A lot of people have asked me if we will ever adopt again and I think it only fair to tell all of you.

We have been working with the agency for a while now. We will NEVER forget Talon, nor will any baby ever replace him, but we have a gaping hole in our hearts...all of us. We hope that another baby might at least make that hole a bit smaller.

The last two weeks the agency has told us about two situations. Neither worked out, but it is such an emotional roller coaster. We are not sure how to feel about things. It is really frustrating that we don't have a baby yet, but I think the most frustrating thing is having our hands bound so tightly. We are at the mercy of other people. These people say they are looking out for us, and have our best interest in mind, but it is so hard to know if they are being truthful.

I guess I'm just frustrated having no control over my life. Most people can plan out their families, when they are going to have more, if they are going to have more. It is SO frustrating not knowing if we will EVER have more.

Sorry to blab on...but it feels good to get some things off my chest.

We DO realize how blessed we are to have our sweet Kade. I thank God every day for the happiness he brings to us. He is the sweetest boy, and is always trying to make me happy. If I do anything right in this world it will be raising him to be a respectful, intelligent, man.


Taylor's said...

Hang in there - I am not a very good "oven" for babies otherwise I would say I could be an "oven" for one of your babies.

We continue to put your families name on the temple roll.

Elizabeth said...

I'm still reading. You are in our prayers always. I know, firsthand, how hard this can be. You are meant to have more children and this will happen for you. I know that it is hard, but we are all there for you. Love you!

kdance10 said...

Happy birthday little talan! I truely wish the best for you and your family. I hope someday soon you will get the call.


Texas Lisa said...

I know exactly how you feel. I HATE not being able to grow my own family whenever I want like so many other people. Our lives depend on other sometimes even AFTER placement. I hope you get a baby soon.

Lisa said...


How are you and family? I have been thinking about you everyday.

My mother told me that she saw your new boy baby. She said he is so cute. I am anxious to see your new baby. What is his name?

I am exciting that Christi and Eric will have a baby sooooon. I can't see their baby boy. I think the baby looks like Jake LOL.

TTYL and take care.

Love Lisa Roush

Jen,Judd, and Brenton said...


I had posted a few comments a few months back. I still think of you and your family often. In previous comments, I had vaguely mentioned my story (I had placed a baby boy 3 years ago). I'm sorry Natasha did that and to me it does seem like she never fully committed to adoption. You mentioned in this post using another agency and that situations hadnt panned out. Have you ever considered international adoption? My husband and I right now are starting the process of adopting internationally. I know with many of the countries the situation that you were faced with can't happen because of laws in place. Anyhow, just a thought. Hope you are doing well.


ScottKarenandAustin said...

I may have posted on your blog some time ago...but I wanted to let you know that I am sorry for you pain. Having adopted my baby in August, and getting the baby bug once again it freaks me out to thinkg about being at someone elses beck and call. As much as I love my birthmom the thought of going through all that "pleasing" is crazy and overwhelming. Until you have been on an infertile road, you don't get it. Loosing my first son to a heart condition was very painful, but the pain of infertility and wanting more children is a very raw and strong emotion. Know that I am here for

God bless you as you try once again to get your baby. It WILL be worth it one day!

Take care,

Screaming Grasshopper said...

You wanting to adopt again is nothing short of an emotional miracle! Don't buy into the guilt. I don't think anyone believes you would be trying to replace Talon. When you wanted to adopt before him it wasn't to replace Kade, the same rules apply dear.

You have room in your heart to love so much & there are children in the world that can benefit from that. I continually think of your family, both here and far off, and I really think the Lord is pleased with how you handle yourself. You are a good person with good qualities and dang it, you deserve joy!

Love & Luck,

Shell said...

I know you have no idea who I am, but I want you to know I think of you and your family often. I think of that sweet baby Talon and how hard it must be to be without him. I pray often he is in good care. I read your blog every once in awhile to check in on how things are going. I hope you are able to adopt again soon. My prayers are with your family.

Lisa said...

Any updates on your family?