Monday, September 22, 2008

No News Yet

I know I's September 22nd. We were supposed to hear today, but we didn't. I'll post it as soon as we know something.

August 11 - State Court

At 3:30 we had our first court hearing. We went in and sat down with our attorneys, and the Judge came in. The tribal attorney did not appear in person, instead he attended via conference call. When the Judge started talking it immediately deflated us. She stated that according to the research she had done and the information she had gotten, that she was very doubtful that she could even hear the case. She said that she thought that the tribe had jurisdiction and that unless someone could help her she would not rule on the case. Our attorney stood up and told her that he was there to help. He started explaining that ICWA should not apply to Talon, and why he believed this to be true, and basically educated her on the subject. The tribal attorney kept saying that the birth mother was lured out here, and coerced to sign the papers, and that the child WAS Indian, and should be returned to the tribe immediately. Our attorney said that the birth mother was aware of what she was signing, and that she not only signed relinquishment, but that she signed jurisdiction of the child over to the State of Utah, and she also signed something stating that the child was not eligible for enrollment in the tribe. After an hour of "education" the judge decided not to rule yet. She wanted to be briefed, and gave our attorneys two weeks to prepare the brief, and then the tribe would have a week to respond to our brief. She would then take a week and make her decision. She told us that there were some things that needed to be determined in tribal court and our attorney informed her that we already had a tribal court hearing scheduled. She said that she wanted to hear the decision made there before she released her decision.
We had hoped that she would rule in our favor right away, but at least she didn't rule against us. Our attorney said he felt really good about how it turned out.

A Courting we shall go...tra la la la

We have discovered through much research by our attorneys, that we are going to have to battle this out in two different court systems. We are going to fight in Utah State Court, to try to gain jurisdiction over this case and temporary custody over Talon. Then we are going to battle in Minnesota Tribal Court over jurisdiction as well. As far as we understand it, if things go our way in tribal court, then state court doesn't really matter, but we do not expect things to go that way.

What is ICWA?

ICWA is the acronym for Indian Child Welfare Act. This is a federal law that is meant to protect Indian children from being farmed out to white families, and therefore depleting the tribal community. In the law it states that a child must be 1/4 blood quantum, meaning they must have at least 1/4 Indian blood in order for this law to apply to them. If the law does apply to them the tribe has the final say as to where the child belongs, and if they want it to stay within the tribe then that is their decision. This is the law they are trying to apply to Talon. Our argument, and the only reason we didn't loose him right away, is because he is only 3/16 blood quantum, which is 1/16 short of 1/4. Therefore, the law should not apply to him. The tribe is trying to enforce a "resolution" that they have that says that the tribe has final say as to whether or not the law applies whether they are 1/4 or not. We are arguing that the resolution goes against their constitution and should therefore be ineffective.

She calls AGAIN!!

On July 11th Natasha called again. This time I had the wherewithal to record the conversation. During the conversation she again asked how the baby was. I told her that he was okay, and that he was gaining weight and we were glad for that. She told me that she was at the ICWA (Indian Child Welfare Act) office in Minnesota, and that she was trying to convince them to leave us alone. She said that she told them that she didn't want the baby, to which they responded that we still couldn't have him because we were not an Indian family. She told them that it was wrong to take him from the only home he ever knew and the only family who had ever known him and they should just leave him alone. I still don't know if I believe her, but that is what she told me. I told her to tell the representative, that we would do whatever they wanted us to if it meant keeping the baby.

Natasha calls!!

Around June 27th, Natasha actually had the guts to call me. She asked how the baby was doing, and if he had been able to come home from the hospital yet. She asked if he was getting better, and I told her that I didn’t feel comfortable sharing that information. She continued to talk to me, telling me that I had promised that I would always tell her how he was. I told her that he was getting a little better all the time, but that was all I could say. She asked how Kade was doing with the baby, and I told her that he loved him very much, but was afraid that he was going to loose the little brother he had waited so long for. She told me that no one was going to take the baby, and that we didn’t need to worry about it. During this conversation, I got very frustrated with her. She asked what was wrong and I told her we didn’t understand why she was fighting for the baby. She said that she wasn’t fighting, that she was just trying to get Jose (her 4 year old) back. She said that she didn’t want the baby and that she wanted him to remain with us. I again asked, then why are you fighting for him. She said she wasn't and added: “why would I have come out to Utah, where I don’t know anyone, meet your family, come to your home, if I didn’t want you to have this baby.” I told her that is what we were all wondering. She again said that she was just trying to get Jose back and that we didn’t need to worry. I began to tell her what I had heard from the attorneys and realized that I was giving her more information than I wanted to. I told her that I had to go, and that I would love to talk to her again tomorrow. She told me that I was lying and that I wouldn’t answer the phone, to which I responded, that I had answered the phone today, and unless I wasn’t home would answer again tomorrow. If I wasn’t home for her to leave a message and I would call her back as soon as I could. I didn't expect to hear from her, and I didn't for another two weeks.


On June 16th, (the day we found out they were going to fight) on my way home from the hospital, I called Natasha. She didn't answer her home phone, so I left a message asking her why she was doing this, and to please call me. I then called her cell phone, and left the same message asking her not to be a coward, and at least have the guts to talk to me about it. She didn't, instead she sent me a text and said "All I can say is I’m sorry but some body there maid it so I cant have any of my kids – tasha –". That was it. No more of an explanation, nothing. I didn't know what to do.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Scoring his Withdrawals

The doctors and nurses have a scoring system to evaluate how babies with drug withdrawals are doing. They score on several factors, including temperature, heart rate, muscle rigidity, etc. On Wednesday the score was around 10 (they like it to be under 9). Thursday when I got to the hospital, it was down to an 8. By Thursday night, it had gone back up to a 14. I was really worried by this , but the nurses assured me that it was a good thing because they always get worse before they get better. Friday morning when I got there, he was down to an 11. This made me happy, but then they informed me that the doctor had decided to up his dose of morphine. That is what they were using to wean him from the methadone. He wanted to get Talon's score down, so until that happened he would keep his dose up. I was able to talk to the doctor for the first time on Friday. I talked to him about when we would be able to bring our son home. He told me that it would be a couple more weeks at least. I asked him if there was any possibility of us bringing him home and administering the morphine ourselves. I told him that I would be willing to bring him back every day for monitoring, but that I wanted him home. He empathized with me, and said that we needed to get his score down to a consistent 5, and his dose down, but that he would be willing to consider sending him home at that point. We had our ups and downs, but by Wednesday, June 18th, his score and dose were low enough that they let him come home. We kept him on his morphine for the next two days, but then were able to start weaning him completely and within a week he wasn't taking it anymore.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008


Over the weekend, we had heard that Natasha sent a notarized document revoking her relinquishment, but as far as we knew she couldn't do that. In the state of Utah once a birth mother signs relinquishment it is irrevocable. In other states there is a grace period where a birth mother can change her mind, but not in Utah. We were a little concerned that she would be able to do this because of the tribe (Ojibwa, a band from the Chippewa) but we tried not to think about it. Monday we heard that the tribe was going to fight for the baby. They sent a document to the agency claiming that they had jurisdiction over the baby and we were to return him immediately. I was at the hospital when the agency called me and gave me this information. They explained that they didn't think the tribe would get him, but that it was a possibility, and they asked if we wanted to give him back and get another baby, or if we wanted to fight for him. We told him that we wanted to keep him, he was our son. They were getting an attorney that specialized in Tribal law, and told me that they would keep me informed of what they found out. They also said that we were to keep Talon until all of this was worked out. We were all VERY upset when we found this out, and decided to take some time to think. We took Talon back to the nursery. When the nurse opened the door, she could tell that I had been crying and asked what was wrong. I told her what we had been told, and she put her arms around me and told me she was sorry. I told her I would be back, but that I needed some time. She told me to go home, and promised they would take good care of him. Clint agreed that is what we should do, so we went home. Clint's best friend Brian came over for support, and we decided to play Nintendo to take our minds off things. My sister Christi came over a little later, and both helped us so much by just being there.

The average day in the hospital

Talon was in the hospital for 9 LONG days. Two of those days, we didn't have access to him. The other days we spent as much time with him as possible. Kade went camping with Clint's family from Thursday through Sunday. The next three days he went to school and got off the bus with his cousins. I got to the hospital most days at around 9 am. I went to the nursery and got Talon, took him to the room they were letting me use, and spent the day there, getting visitors periodically, and taking him back every 4 hours for monitoring. Clint spent the days with me over the weekend, and during the week he would join me around 6 pm when he got off work. We would return the baby to the nursery at 7 pm, and leave for dinner until 8 pm. We would come back and get him from the nursery again, and Clint would leave at about 9 to pick up Kade and get him settled for the next day to begin. I stayed with Talon until around 11 pm. The room we were using was a triage suite, and didn't have a tv. We brought our dvd player with movies, and some puzzle books, so we wouldn't be so bored. I would go home long enough to sleep and get Kade off to school the next day. It was very tiring, but we weren't going to leave him at the hospital alone.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Sunday, September 14, 2008

June 12 - Thursday

I got to the hospital at about 9 am. The nursery was always closed from 7-8 am and pm. That is when they do their shift change, and charts, so we had to have him in the nursery for that. When I walked in the nursery, I noticed they had moved him. He was now in the back of the nursery by his nurse. As I walked over to him, I questioned his nurse about his status. She said that he was doing a little better, and that they were able to take him off the monitors that morning. I noticed that his arm was still splinted, and asked what that was for, and they said that because it was so hard to get an IV they wanted to leave it in for a while, just to make sure he didn't need it, but that he hadn't needed it for a couple of days. I was so pleased, the blessing had worked. I was now able to take him out of the nursery. The hospital had a triage suite, that was not being used, so they allowed me to be in there as much as I liked. I took him out of the nursery and immediately began calling everyone I knew telling them they could come see him. We got visitors every day the remainder of our stay.

June 11

This is the day that Natasha goes home. After I get Kade off to school I go over to the hospital to help her. We visited with the baby for a while in the nursery, then I walked her over to the pharmacy. We talked about the future and what times of the year she wanted pictures. When we got back to the hospital we went back into the nursery for a few minutes. Kade was leaving to go camping with Clint's family for the weekend, so I went to pick him up from school and take him to his cousins house. I went back to the hospital to pick up Natasha and take her to the airport. When I got there she wasn't ready, so I helped her finish packing, and off we went. She took her lunch from the hospital with her plate and all. She ate on the way and left her plate in the truck. As we said our goodbyes, we hugged, and she made me promise to take good care of the baby. I promised her he was in good hands, and with tears, she walked into the airport.

From the airport, I went back to the hospital to take the plate back. When I got to the nurses station Denise was there talking with the nurses. They decided to "band" me, meaning give me a wrist band so I had rights to the baby. I immediately went into the nursery and for the first time I got to hold Talon, my baby boy, without Natasha looking over my shoulder. I sat in the nursery with him for an hour and a half. I wanted to stay all night, but couldn't since he was still being closely monitored.

Clint and I met with Denise and Jane (from the agency) to sign our placement papers and give them the rest of the money. It was OFFICIAL!!!! In 6 months we would be able to finalize the adoption, and have him sealed to us. On our way back to the hospital we called Cody, Clint's brother, and asked if he could come over to the hospital and assist Clint in giving him a blessing. It was one of the most amazing moments I've ever had. They lay their hands on that beautiful baby, being careful of all his wires, and gave him a blessing of health. We went home, and slept well that night.

June 10

This day started off very badly. When I left the hospital the night before, I made Natasha promise to call if she needed anything. I told her that I didn't want to be in her way, but that I wanted to be there if she needed ANYTHING. At 9 am I got a call from Denise (the director of the agency). She told me that Natasha had decided to keep the baby. She said she didn't expect him to look sooo much like her other kids, and he needed her because he was so sick. Denise told me that she had talked to Natasha and explained how things were going to work. She told her that if she decided not to place the baby, the State of Utah would take him into custody because of the drugs in his system, and that they would then contact the state of Minnesota and they would take her other children away. Natasha told Denise that Minnesota told her that if the baby didn't test positive for heroine that they wouldn't take her other kids. Denise told her she really thought she was wrong.

At around 11am Natasha called me. She asked if I was mad at her. I told her that I was concerned about the situation, but that it was normal to second guess. She asked if we still wanted the baby and I assured her that we did. She told me that she was going to sign the papers, and that she was just being selfish this morning, and she hated herself for it. She told me that she had talked to Luis (her husband) and they had decided that if they had $3500 they could start new, get a better apartment. She said she was going to ask Denise for the money but even if she didn't get it she would sign the papers.

At this point I still hadn't seen the baby. I wanted desperately to hold him in my arms. She asked if we would like to come see him. I told her I would love to, and she said she would call me back when she had cleared it with the nursery. An hour and a half later she called, hysterically crying and kept apologizing. She said "I'm sorry I'm sorry." My heart sunk. I thought something had happened to the baby. I got her to calm down enough to tell me what had happened. She told me that Minnesota DCFS had come and taken Jose (her 4 year old) from Luis. She kept saying she was sorry and that she would sign the papers, just please give her back her baby (Jose). She thought that I had called Minnesota in order to get her to sign the papers. I told her that I had nothing to do with it, and that I would do anything I could to help her, but I didn't know if I could do anything. As soon as I hung up we left for the hospital.

When we got there Denise told us what happened before we got to Natasha. Natasha, trying to prove that she wouldn't get her kids taken, called Minnesota DCFS and asked if she tried to parent the baby, if they would take away her other kids. Of course this triggered interest and they started looking into it and found that her husband was currently using heroine, and they took custody of her 4 children.

After we got there and made sure she was okay, she took us in one at a time to see the baby. I went in first with her. He looked so fragile in his isolette. As I held him in my arms for the first time, I couldn't help but cry. He was REAL! He was so beautiful, and God willing, he would be ours within the next 24 hours. We took several pictures, and then I decided to let Clint have his turn. He went in, and took pictures as well, both of us trying to get acquainted with our new addition. After a while we left so Natasha could sign relinquishment without the pressure of us in the other room. We got the call that the papers were signed at 10:30 pm.


Our son was born on June 9th at 7:26 pm. He weighed 7 pounds 1 ounce, and measured 19 1/2 inches long. When he was born he aspirated and though they sucked out his lungs, he didn't recover very quickly. They swept him away to the nursery, and since I was still waiting for the police at the scene of my accident, I didn't get there in time to see him. Clint saw him briefly as they carried him into the nursery. They had to put him under a head box (oxygen). They tried to get an IV, but because of the drugs, his veins kept collapsing under the needle. After 9 attempts they gave up for the day. He had to remain in the nursery to be monitored very closely. He had a high temperature, low blood oxygen level, and an erratic heart beat. I ended up not staying the night due to Natasha's request. During the night Natasha went in to see the baby. She became violent with the nurses. She pulled the head box off the baby, telling the nurses that he didn't need it. When they tried to put it back on him, she got angry and swung at one of them over the top of the baby's isolate. She told them that they were over reacting and that she had methadone babies before, and she knew how to handle it. She lunged at two other nurses that same evening. The hospital staff grew tired of her very quickly.

June 9

I got to the hospital at 7 am. We got checked in, and settled down for a LONG day. Natasha had decided that I was her beck and call girl, and was constantly asking me to do things for her. I didn't mind, and thought that it was the least I could do. She was very unruly and demanding of me and all the staff. I felt badly for the nurses because she was just downright rude to them. She was induced at around 7:30 am. I stayed by her side, only leaving to go to the restroom, and attended to her every need. At about 6 pm, after not eating the entire day, Natasha (stuck at an eternal 6 cm) told me to go get something to eat. I told her I would be right back. I left the hospital, and drove down the street to McDonald's. As I was pulling out of the parking lot, turning left, I pulled into the middle turn lane, and was t-boned by a truck. He hit me in the driver side door, jamming it shut. I called the police to report it and they said someone would be there shortly. While I waited for the police to come I got a phone call telling me that Natasha was complete and was starting to push. I lost it. The police showed up 45 minutes after the accident, and I missed the birth of my son. Natasha was upset with me for not leaving the scene and just coming to her. I tried to explain that I had to wait for someone to come get me because I didn't know if I could drive my car. It didn't help. She was upsset.

June 8

Natasha called me while I was getting ready for church and told me that she hadn't slept well. She didn't want to come to church but still wanted to come to Clint's parents house. I told her I would come get her after church. When I got there I went up to her room and she was having a come apart. She said that she had talked to her mom and told her that she was placing the baby. She hadn't told her before that. She had also talked to her boyfriend (who we found out later was really her husband). He told her that he wanted out, and that as soon as she got back he was moving back to New York. She then confided in me that he was using drugs again. I asked what kind, and she said heroine. He had called her earlier in the week and gotten the phone number for the dealer (which she knew by heart). After she calmed down we went to meet my mom, step-dad, and grandpa. After visiting for a few minutes we left and on the way to Clint's parents house we went to an Indian Trading Post to get one last thing for the dream catchers. We left the store $50 later (should have been $6). We came by my house, picked up Clint and Kade, and went to dinner. We were late, so when we got there everyone had already eaten. We walked in, and I introduced her to everyone. When I was done, she said "and this is Clint and Heather's baby, Talon." After dinner the men gave her a blessing for everything to go well with the birth, and to give her peace when she signed the papers, and know that she was making the right choice. She thanked us, and told us that she felt so much better. We then took some pictures outside, and visited a while longer, then we took her back to her hotel. On the way there we talked about the next day. She wanted me there the whole day, and also wanted me to stay the night with her. She said she wanted me to act as if I were having the baby myself. I thanked her again and we said goodnight.

June 7

Natasha didn't call me until about 2 pm. She said that she had been trying to sleep as much as she could because she was having a hard time at night. When I picked her up, we decided to go to JoAnn's because she wanted to make us some dream catchers. She wanted to make one to put over the baby's crib, and I asked if she would make one for Kade as well. She then told me that she wanted to make a really nice 3 tiered one for me and Clint also. After two and a half hours, and over $100 we left. We got pizza on the way home and off to my house we went. We went outside to visit after dinner. After a couple of minutes, she started crying. She told me that she thought it would be easier, and hoped that she could do this without having any emotion about it. She said that she was having a lot of anxiety and didn't know how to handle it. I tried to reassure her and told her that she wouldn't be human if she didn't have any feelings about it. I told her that I really felt she was making the right decision, and that I was amazed at how selfless she was being. I said that she was giving us the greatest gift anyone could give. We kept talking for a while, and I shared a little about our church. I happened to be playing my flute the next day, and she wanted to go hear me. I told her what she could expect there, and she asked if they would pray for her. I told her that I would put her name in the temple, and briefly explained what that would do, and then I told her that if she wanted, Clint could give her a blessing. She said that she would really like that. After the blessing she asked if she could have another one the next day. I told her that if she came to dinner at Clint's parents with us, all the men could participate in the blessing. After a bit she calmed down and we all took her back to the hotel.

Flying into Utah

After an entirely too long two months, Natasha arrived in Utah late on June 5th. She was seen by the doctor the next morning, and now the real adventure begins...

Friday March 6th, I pick her up from her doctor's appointment. I have the day planned out for us. First we go to the pharmacy to pick up some medications for her. Then we went to lunch. After that we went to WalMart to get pedicures. She LOVED it. She kept saying that she felt like a princess, which was my aim. I told her that she deserved it. She told the ladies doing our peds that she was carrying my baby. They were confused by that so I told them that I was adopting her baby. She said "NO! God pout this baby in my belly for Heather because she can't carry one herself. This is HER baby, not mine." I thought it was amazing that she could feel that way. After we were done, we walked around WalMart gathering some necessities for her for the next few days. After we were done at WalMart we went back to my house and had dinner. When dinner was over I took her back to her hotel. She asked me if I would come get her tomorrow. I told her that would be fine and we said goodnight.


So, just to recap I am going to show the lies versus reality:

Lies: regular prenatal visits; no drugs; Irish with 1/8 native; Luis is her boyfriend; she is constantly sick and in and out of the hospital
Reality: one prenatal visit (up to time of meeting); SEVERAL drugs; 3/8 native with heaven knows what else; Luis is her HUSBAND; faking sick trying to get more drugs from hospital

Now, we understand that the agency can't know everything for sure, but we feel that if they didn't know FOR SURE that she was clean, and healthy, they should have told us that this is what they were told, but that they do not yet have her medical records to prove it. We also asked them several times throughout the process if the tribe would be an issue (we had heard horror stories). They told us and I quote: "We already have documentation from the tribe stating that they are not interested in the child"...true or false???? We shall see.

Getting to Know You

Over the next 2 1/2 months, Natasha and I spoke on the phone dozens of times. We got very close, and considered each other friends. We talked about all kinds of things, from laundry, to religion. She often asked about Kade and if he was excited. We got to know each other very well. I tried to convey everything we talked about to Clint so that he could feel close to her as well. She told me about all her doctors appointments, and how strong he was. One night she called me from the hospital. She had fallen and went to the hospital just to make sure everything was alright. She called me so that I could hear his heartbeat.

On May 26th, I got a call from her that I will never forget. I was outside doing some yard work, and Clint brought me the phone. When I answered I could tell that something was wrong. She wounded upset, and when I asked her what was wrong she said she had a question for me. She said: "If I told you that I had done drugs while I was pregnant, would you still want this baby?" Blown completely out of the water, and not really knowing what to say, I told her yes. She then asked: "If I told you that I was STILL doing drugs would you still want the baby?" I again told her yes, and asked if he was okay. She told me that he was fine, and proceeded to come clean about her pregnancy. She told me that when she found out she was pregnant she refused to believe it. She didn't want another baby, and decided to live as if she wasn't going to have one. She used heroine, and prescription pain pills. Then when she met us, she decided to start taking care of the baby, so she went on a methadone program. She also told me that before she had met us she was planning on leaving the baby at the hospital when he was born. She then told me that she had gone that day to have an amniocentesis done that day to see if the baby's lungs were developed enough to induce. She wanted to be done with the pregnancy and get on with her life. She asked if I would talk it over with Clint and make sure we were still okay with all this and call her back. I immediately went inside and started researching on the Internet, about the side effects of methadone babies. Everything I read said that there were not usually many side effects other than minor withdrawals. Clint and I decided that we couldn't turn our backs on this bay because of a choice that was made for him. We called Natasha back and told her we still wanted him.


On Monday, March 31, 2008 we got the call that send our hearts aflutter. WE WERE MATCHED!!! We couldn't believe it! After SOO long our dreams were going to come true! Her name was Natasha, and she was coming to Utah to live until she had the baby. She would be here Friday morning, and she wanted to meet us! That week was SO crazy. My head wouldn't stop spinning. Friday came, and though she got here safely, she and her 3 year old son were both having reactions to our Spring. Their allergies were out of control and they were miserable, so they would be flying back home early Saturday morning. Clint and I went up to Layton to meet with her before she left. When we met her, we were quite surprised. She didn't look Irish at all. She looked full blown Native. As we met with her, it was CRAZY to think that the bulge in her stomach would soon be our son. We visited with her for about half an hour, and our stomachs never left our throats. She showed us pictures of the rest of her children. She asked us questions, and we asked her some. We thanked her repeatedly for choosing us, and giving us this opportunity. Kade and Jose played together. Before leaving for the night we went and got her and her and Jose some food. When we brought it back, she asked me if I would join her in the delivery room, since she would be back for the birth. We wished her a safe flight and said goodbye.

The Wait...

After the first two years of trying to conceive, we decided to put in our papers to adopt. We decided to go through LDS Family Services for many reasons, the biggest of which was the cost. We were told that the average waiting time was between 9 and 18 months, but that it could be considerably longer. We FINALLY got approved and were assigned a case worker. After 4 different case workers, and 2 1/2 years, we were informed that our profile had only been viewed twice. Frustrated by this fact, I started looking into other agencies. In December of 2007 we submitted our application with Heartfelt Adoption Agency. Within three months the director, Shauna, had shown our profile to 5 different birth moms. In February we also submitted our application with Heart and Soul Adoption Agency. We thought it couldn't hurt to get more exposure. At the end of March they told me of a situation: "The birth mom is 27, pregnant with her seventh child, a boy. She is Irish with 1/8 Native American. She has had regular prenatal care, and is healthy. She smokes, but does not drink, or do drugs. The birth father is Hispanic, and is on board with the adoption." They also told us that she didn't want to choose the family, so if we were interested, he was pretty much ours. I called Clint, and told him about the situation. He told me to go ahead with it. I called back and told them yes. She told me that she would talk to the birth mom and get back with me by Monday.

The Beginning...

Clint and I (Heather) were married in November of 1998. In January of 2000 we decided that we wanted to start our family. It took us five months to conceive which at the time I thought was an eternity. In April of 2001 our first son, Kade, was born. It was a miracle like we had never known and we immediately loved him beyond measure. When he was about 2 years old, we started trying for another. We tried for the first five pressure...and were not successful. What could we do but keep trying? I started with the ovulation kits, and taking my temperature, and everything. After the first year we decided to try fertility medication. After another year, we tried IUI (IntraUterine Insemination). After our first experience, we thought it best to try a fertility specialist. With him, we tried 6 more rounds of AUI, along with intensive fertility medication. I even had surgery twice to remove endometriosis during this time. We even went to the extreme once of IVF (In-Vitro Fertilization). After 5 years of trying endless procedures and cocktails of drugs, we conceded that we may never be able to conceive again, and we were through with the extremes.